Listening with Love

 Politics these days should come with a trigger warning.  There are too many stories out there… so many women on my Facebook feed saying that they’ve been hurt by sexual violence, and it’s breaking my heart.  Even the ones who haven’t been raped or assaulted, have been hurt by others.  I’ve been thinking what’s wrong in this situation – what’s making them remember a situation in tears?  What made them (bury) try to forget the experience in the first place?  It’s someone clearly putting their selfish desires over others.   Bullying… in friendships, sexual relationships and even work relationships –  selfishness is devastating to the human experience, and it prevents connections with others.  

Women are the focus of the last few weeks and I think women have historically been in a position of weakness, based on our lack of physical strength and lack of a voice in society.  This is hard for men to hear, but until you’ve physically been the smallest person in the room, it’s easy to wonder, why didn’t she just “speak up and say no.”  Your voice doesn’t go very far, when you don’t have the brawn to back it up.  When I think about the smaller people I know (mostly women), who break the norm with their big voices, it’s usually because they have a “fight club” behind them.  Women who grew up with strong father figures or older brothers who told them that they were physically and emotionally behind their decisions are more likely to speak up.  Some of us are lucky even to have a girl posse who will stand by us no matter what.  Many of the women I know now who are sharing their stories, do so with the presence of a loving spouse, close friends, and even children who have encouraged them to speak up.  These amazing people have said to the women in their lives, “Go ahead and make it public. I have your back and will take on the criticism and judgement that come with telling your story.”  They are  heroes. 

So, what can we do?  What can I do?   In places where I do have big physical presence (I am bigger than most of the kids at my elementary school) I will keep a watch for the little guys and girls who get bullied or picked on.  Bullying stops quickly in places where the teacher (or other person of stature) picks up on small hurts and shuts the negativity down. Sometimes it’s the “popular” kid who shuts down the meanies.  I strive to teach my kids that skill.

In places where I only have a social/emotional presence, I can listen to stories of hurt and tell people I believe them. Share your stories.  Get them off your chest. I won’t judge. I’ll just listen, and hug you (even though I am decidedly not a hugger).  I’m not the right person to find your offender and demand justice.  I’m not a counselor who can offer real steps to healing. But I believe that one day God will heal your pain.  I’ll pray for that healing.