The Ask

I’m an American, as an American I value independence and self-sufficiency, but in the last few years I’ve noticed that when I need things from others its good to ask.  This week I had to ask for a donation. It brought me back to the early 80s when kids had to sell candy bars door to door.  Not exactly the safest thing, but a good experience in many ways. In August, I’m helping out at a soccer camp for refugee children.  Stop gasping, I’m helping out with food, not soccer.  We rely on donations to provide the kids breakfast, snacks and lunch during their week with us. 

This is my first year helping, and when I said I’d help with food, I didn’t quite realize that I’d be raising the budget for the food that I packed and served.  When chatting with the director, she told me that if I took her donation letter to a grocery store, they will  give you a $50 gift card.  “You just do this at every grocery store that you can, and there’s your budget.”  What!?  It sounded a little time consuming but I'm off for the summer, and every little bit helps, right?  So I printed out the letter, decided I would start with the local Giant that I’ve been frequenting for 10 years and set out.  I took my kids of course, thinking they are cute and may help me get more moolah, and its summer learning, right?  I went up to the manager, introduced myself, handed her the letter and then…stumbled a bit over my words.  I may be a good writer, but speaking is not my forte.  I’m an introvert, and this was a bit out of my comfort zone.  I paused, and said, “Sorry I’m nervous, This is my first ask.” (I could just feel my 14 year old rolling her eyes next to me.  Arghh!  In my head, I was the savior getting money for these poor refugee kids, and now I’m screwing it up)

Luckily, the manager was kind.  While glancing at my kids, she turned the whole thing into a teaching moment, pointing out what I did right (my letter had the dates, tax exempt numbers and contact in that she needed), and then told me what the next steps were. (Her business manager would call me letting me know if we got a donation).  I thanked her and went to the next place.  But as I reflected on the experience, I realized how rarely I ask for things. I’m not talking about asking for things that I know that I will get (hot sauce from a waiter at a restaurant or a dessert from a friend who is coming over for dinner), but how rarely I ask for bigger things. Asking can sometimes be a sign of entitlement, but it can also be humbling.  Who likes being humble?

Sure, going from grocery store to grocery store is time consuming for $50 a pop, when I’m sure I know people who will just write me a check for the whole amount I need for the week, but there was something in that ask.  I learned how it felt to need something.  Maybe not even need something, because the truth is I bought myself a snack at the grocery store after my ask, but I learned how it felt to ask for something I wasn’t sure I was going to get.  It’s a good practice. It requires a bit of bravery and humility and some social skills.  It was probably more meaningful than all the reading and math that my kids have been doing all summer.  It made me think twice about the people I see on the side of the road asking for food or money.  I learned something, and I taught something.   

So now I’m gonna do a bigger ask – its easier because it’s a written ask for me.  Consider supporting the soccer camp at L.A.C.E.S.  It’s a good cause- refugee kids are transported from their apartment complexes, to play and be mentored for a morning at a soccer camp for free, with breakfast and lunch provided.  It’s probably similar to one that you pay big bucks to send your kids to every summer.  The budget is small and more kids are begging to sign up.  Seren, the executive director, has the hardest time telling them that we are full, but we are trying to do it right. We want them to make meaningful connections and have good food.  You can look it up and donate here – and as much as I want your big bucks, I want you to consider making "an Ask".  Message me and I’ll send you the letter with all the details. Take it to your local grocery store, with your kids, and ask. You all might learn something, and every little bit helps.